DEENA SKET CHAPTER 63

"Your father's wife," she said, "I know exactly who you are,"
This was too much, I just started cryin thinkin about ryan.
"look at you, as much of a whore as your mother," she said.
I looked up at her and said, "please, ill go to another doctor."
She walked to the door and lockd it.
"You think you can ruin my family," she said, "you think my husband loves you more than me."

"Why are you angry at me for what YOUR husband did with my mum," i said.
She went to slap me but i grabbed her hand, "if your husband loved you he wouldnt have cheated," i said, "fuckin hypocrite." I was ill, i was sick but i was so angry, like i was drawin my stregnth from how pissed off and hurt i was.
"Look at you," she said, "you're worse than those tramps and you have the audacity to share the same gene pool as my family,"


"And what family is that?", i asked, "dont mek me tell u about yourself zainab, faisani is a sick pervert, your husband is unfaithful yet you fink ur shit doesnt stink, keep on believin being a loyal wife will make him love u, my mum wasnt the first woman he cheated on u with and she sure as fuck isnt the last, look at you- big ass doctor tryin to come for a girl like me when ive come to you for help, i didnt even know who u were, but now im seein ur face i can understand why he went fuckin elsewhere,".


She slapped me, the pain in my face hurt so much, "It's your husband you should slap, not me."
"get out,"
"im going to get tested," i said, "and ur goin to make sure I do- cos i you dont, ill make a scene right here and now, how would your friends down at the mosque feel if they knew that your husband who claims to be a devout muslim had an affair with a black woman and has a child with her,".
She looked at me and then left the room.
I just cried.
You know that feeling when everythin feels like whats the point. All i could think about was the last time I saw Ryan, when we had that fight cos of adam, how everyfin just got fucked up.
I swear, for the first time I missed Natalie so much, like i wish i could call her up and tell her everyfin. Noone else knew about dis, but two years ago i got jacked by some girls in East, i got proper fucked up by them because I must have given one of dem a dirty look and as soon as i told Natalie, she took me out to Tinsel Town and we spent the whole day, watchin dvds, doin homework and for the first time in my life i had been happy.

You know that feelin when u stop in the middle of a moment and just smile, thats how it was with Natalie, and like she was the first person that i proper liked, that i could trust, she used to call me up to tell me if we had any homework when i missed school and when.. Pearl walked back in.
"Deena, you ready for your test?", she said.
I nodded.


When she finished with all the STI tests she looked at me and said, "Deena- no matter what the test results say, you have to go on livin ur life, " she looked at me and said, "I'm HIV positive Deena."

I looked up at her and was so shockd.
"Ive been HIV positive for 25 years," she said. She looked bare healthy tho, like u would never think.
"How did u get it i asked?".
She made that hmmp sound black woman make when somethins sad.
"My boyfriend," she said, "Leroy, he was my baby father and everytime i wanted to talk about marriage he would say no no- theres no need- no need- and me like a fool i kept fuckin him, we had a flat together in Elephant and Castle, and uno he was a looker, smooth talker, uno he was so attractive that i let so many tings slide, like how everyweek girls would call the housephone lookin for him, how he would spend all day bunnin and when he wasnt bunnin he wasnt doin anytin productive- and i was still fuckin him, and i thought he would never cheat on me, because i thought wehave a baby together, and hes livin with me and uno he calls me his wife- so he wouldnt cheat, i didnt fink i needed to use a condom because of course im tinkin im the only one, and the problem with men is that they're good liars, when they tell u theyre not fuckin about with other bitches you believe them because YOU WANT to believe it you know, anyway, ill never forget it, it was carnival- 1985 and it was the Monday one and I was wit my sister and a girl walked up to me, i was dancin, imagin me dressed like sometin out of a salt and pepper video, and i was dancin next to a float and a girl, tall coolie girl walks up to me and tells me that my man- my Leroy gave her sister HIV, and i ignored her because in my head Leroy would never cheat and so uno what i did,"


I looked at her. She continued.
"I went back home and didnt tell my sister what the girl said to me, i just went home and saw him,he was with his friends bunnin in the balcony and that nite when we were alone i told him i wanted to fuck with him a condom from then on, LIKE A FOOL- i was too afraid to confront him about it, and after a few fucks he convinced me to stop makin him wearin the rubber and i let him continue to fuck me bareback, a year later i got pregnant and the doctors tell me that me and the baby hiv positive." A tear ran down her eye.
"Imagine this Deena, young girl like me, no more than 23 years old, been in this country no longer than 5 years with a baby in my house and a baby with hiv in my stomach, i aborted the baby and i took my son and i left Leroy, luckily for me they spotted it early, they gave me the medications and ive been takin them everyday for all these years, come to find out last year that Leroy has a son the same age as my son and a daughter who was born the same month as my yout was due, he died last year, went to his funeral and i cried like a baby," she started laughin, but the laugh was sad.


I hugged her.
"Im gonna go now," i said.
"We can text u ur results," she said. I gave her my number as i held back my tears.
"Where are u going to go," she asked.
"There's someone i need to see," i said.

I left the room and walked out of the hospital, i was wearin jesses clothes and trainers. I knew what i was gonna do, i walked back into the hospital and asked to borrow the phone to make a quick call, i made the call and the person told me to wait outside the hospital for a cab to take me to where they wanted to meet me.

The cab came and i got in.
I cried as i sat in the back, then i wiped my tears.
"where's this goin," i asked.
"The man who called said to take u to an address in Northolt love," the cabbie said.
I nodded, the person i was gonna meet knew how risky it would be for me to be in South, I was gonna do this for Ryan.
The cab stopped outside some house and i saw him waiting there.
He walked to the cab and paid the man and looked at me as i got out of the cab.
He stared at me, "Deena what happpend to you."

"Let's just go inside innit," i said.
We walked into the house, "whose house is this," i asked.
"My dads, i knew u wouldnt wanna meet at my house or in south cos-".
I looked at him, "Deena im sorry," he said.
"Ryans dead you know," i told him.
My heart sank as i said it.
"Is there somewhere i can shower," i asked him.
He nodded and started cryin, "Deena im sorry,".
I kissed him, "its ok," i said, "im happy."
He led me to the shower,"whose clothes are those," he asked.
"Someones," i said.
As i was naked, he looked at my pussy.
He gasped,
"what happened," he askd.
I didnt say anythin and got into the dirty shower, i knew i was gonna leave it dirtier than when i got in, all i wanted is to feel water on my body.
He was watchin me shower and cryin, "when did ryan die?", he asked.
"Yesterday," i said, "lost too much blood,"
I got out of the shower and stood in front of him naked.
He looked at my face and body, "what happend to you deena."

"Men did," i said.
Then i grabbed his dick gently and kissed his neck.
"Fuck me," i whispered in his ear, "chop my backs down,"
He started bawlin, "Ryan, i didnt meet for dis to happen- i didnt know."
"Its ok," i said kissing his face, "just put ur dick in me."
He was gettin hard, he led me to one of the rooms and gently put me on the bed, i just lay there and spread my legs.
He went to put on a dom, "No," i said, "it feels better when i can feel it all."
He tore off his clothes as he was cryin and got on top of me. He put his dick in me.
I cried and started bleedin.
I screamed, it was bleedin so much, it was sore, the throbbin in my head was insane, like i'd been shot in the head.

He wiped my pussy with the dirty duvet, and said, "youve been raped."
I shook my head, "no," i said, "please go on."
"Deena u just bled ," he said.
"it wont happen again, please," i said, "do it again."
He put it in slowly, this time i didnt bleed but the pain was still there, i wanted to scream but then he would pull out and then i would have failed.


"All the way inside," i said gently.He cried as he fucked me.
"Tell me you love me," i said.
"I love you deena,".
"I love you too Adam- I love you too."