CHAPTER 66/67

"I dont care," i said.
I tore both of the tickets. I tore up his ticket.
He screamed and ran to me, he slapped me.
I kickd him in the balls, grabbed a lamp and smashed it over his head. He fell on the floor and I ran out with his passport, sorchas fake passport and sorcha's eurostar ticket and forty pounds that was lyin on the desk.
I ran out of the house. These times it was 12.30, it was raining so hard, i looked so rank, my pussy was still sore but the rest of my body was beginning to feel better.
I ran into some shop and begged them to let me call use their phone to call a cab, i was cryin. They let me use their phone and i used one of the local cab services.
I waited for the cab and just as i got in, i saw adam runnin towards me, i jumped in, shut the door and told the driver to take me back to my house, I needed to see my mum.

As the cab left Adams street, i saw him runnin behind it runnin towards me cryin in the rain. I knew that was the last time i was gonna see him.

The cab driver said, "rough night?".
I nodded, then he looked at the passports and ticket in my hand, the money was in my pocket, "You goin abroad?", he asked.
"Yeah," i said, "Yeah I am,"
The car stopped outside my house and the cab fare came to 60, but i speeched the driver to allow me, so he accepted 40.

I knocked on the door.
"Grandma?."
She pulled me in and hugged me so tight. She looked at me and cried, "Deena what happend to you,"

"You're back?", i cried huggin her.
"Come to the front room," she said.
When i walked in there, it was fucked up, everythin was smashed. i started cryin, "what happened?", i asked.

"Your mother," she said, "I- came back and she did this, Deena I..."
She looked at me, "Deena, there's something you need to know, and I want to tell you dis in a way that will help you to understand because if you see your mother and she tells you- she'll say it out of spite."

We sat on the sofa.
"When she was about 16,your mum got pregnant with Ethel's son, and we never told Ethel or her son that it was his baby and erm, she had it and gave birth to it, and we christened it and we- your mother she was goin on wild, different man everyday in her room, everyday calls from the school about her fighting with other girls, she started doin things- and expectin me to look after her baby, the 3 month baby and I told her that i couldnt look after her yout for her and that if she didn't sort herself out, i would give it up for adoption, she moved out with the baby, moved in with some Jamaican boy and i didnt see her for a month, when i found her address come to find out the boy lef her and she was squattin in the place, no lights, no electricity, no nothin and when i looked at the baby i saw cuts on its arms, she had tried to kill it and so i did- what i thought was best and i took that baby to Barbados to give to Mable's mother to look after, then she died a year after i gave the baby to her, when i went to back home for the funeral and to bring the baby back because your mother had sorted herself out, Mable's stupid father tell me give the baby awayto a friend, i was so hurt, i never cried so much and i told your mother when i got back to London that her baby was dead, then a year later she had you and you made everytin alright, two years later I tell Ethel about everytin and the bitch tells me she knows who has the baby, she knows who raised it, she tells me that she'll tellme if i give her money, so i lied to you- about the mortgage, it was the only way, come to find Ethel was lyin like a dog- she didnt know shit, all the while your mothers been thinkin her baby died many years ago, then last week I came back from Barbados when your mother told me that Mable called and told her the truth- that her baby was alive and that her father had just given it away," then my nan started cryin, "then she did all dis."



CHAPTER 67
The tv was smashed up, everyfin was fucked up.
I just looked at her, "was it a boy or a girl?", i asked.
"Boy," my nan said, "a baby boy,"
I got up slowly, "where are u goin," she asked cryin.
"To shower,".
I walked up the stairs and took off the dirty clothes and got in the shower and sobbed, why was she lyin to me- the baby in the picture was a girl, it was wearin a pink dress, ithad long eye lashes, curly hair, it was a girl, it looked a dark skin me.
I got out of the shower and walked into my room, i put on high waisted jeans, a blue and white striped vest top, i tucked the top into the jeans and put on blue airforces.
i brushed my hair back and put it in a high ponytail.
I put the passports in a clutch bag along with sorcha's ticket and put on a blazer to hide the bruises on my arm.
I walked down the stairs and walked into the front room, "grandma- tell me the truth," i said, "was the baby a boy or girl?",

"it was a boy," she said, "why do u ask, deena why ur face so swell up, someone beat u?."

"Nan, if im not back in the hour, please dont bother ever calling or talking to me again, you and my mum are both dutty stinkin liars,"
Then i left.
I cried, i wiped my tears as i knocked on Sorcha's front door,
She answered it.
She tried to slam the door in my face, i kicked it back and walked into her house, i locked the door behind me. there were two suitcases lyin in the corridor. I looked on the floor, there was a leaflet, for Ryans funeral, it was today, at 3.
"HELLO!", i called to see if anyone else was home, when nobody replied, I looked at her and said, "wheres the picture i left here."

She gave me a blank stare.
She walked into the front room and picked up the picture, "you mean this?", she asked.
"Give it to me," i said.
She lifted it up and tore it into two and threw it on the floor.
I didnt scream, i didnt cry, i wanted to though.
"You're running away on the day of Ryan's funeral," i asked, "what a bitch."
She looked shocked, "how the fuck do you-"

Then i pulled out her Eurostar ticket.
I could tell she wanted to scream.
"Dont do it please- dont tear it," she said.
"Why not," i asked tryin not to cry about the picture she tore.
"Iknow who your sister is," she said, "Its...."