Chapter 46 part 2

We went up to Fumez old flat, where Murda was livin now. It was just me, ryan and him in the front room.
"What happened," i said, "why was she at that flat, why did you send her there."

Murda looked like he wanted to cry, but didnt wanna show it. Ryan was lookin so vex, I touched his hand to calm him down.
"She called me up last week saying she needed some P and she wanted to shot for me," Murda said, "I know some bitties in West Ham who Fumez used to shot charlie too, they're cracked out and i was gonna take her to there to shot them the dro but if i took her id have to pay her less innit so she said she'd go alone, wha- what happened?".

"You knew they were cracked out bitties and you sent her there?", Ryan asked trying not to get vex.
"She wanted to go," Murda said, "She came around 10 that night from her yard and I know she caught cab there."

"How do you know?" ryan asked.
"I called it for her, what happened, like whats happened to her."

"SHES DEAD!", Ryan shouted. He got up bawlin and left the room.
I looked at Murda, "They did a raid in the house after found her in the toilet with her throat slit."

"A raid? so them man i shotted to got nabbed?".

"Is that all you care about, you're scared of gettin caught when a girl is dead."

"Oh shut your mouth Deena, shut your mouf innit, dont try act like Sorcha was mother fuckin tereasa, she probably did something to them, you know how sorcha is, she even used to cuss you, she's a fuckin..." before Murda could finish, Ryan ran back into the room and started to box him up. I ran to Ryan to pull him back, he pushed me away and i fell on the floor. He kept on boxin Murda up. Then out of nowhere Murda pulled out a strap. Ryan stepped back. I got up slowly.

"Ryan dont fuck me with yanah, dont fuck with man, what would your girl fink if i told her what you did, how are you gonna wifey a sket that everyman and his dad has buss into, she's a fuckin cum collector, just like Sorcha, dont blame me cos ur cousins a dumb slosh, she probably tried boops them or suttin, so you two get the fuck out of here and if you ever come here again, i'll bury some bullets in your headpiece."

I looked at Ryan, what did Murda mean he would tell me what Ryan did, what did Ryan do.
Ryan told Murda, "dont ever try threaten man, you dont think i know the kind of shit you still do."

"Fuck you and your chichi ass,"Murda said, "Man mus fink he's the fifth member of JLS now just cos u moved out of ends and wifed up a boomie, but you'll always be road Ryan," then Murda looked at me, "he's bein nice to now you innit- just wait till you do somethin to make him really vex, he'll fuck you up again."

"Lets go Ryan,"i said. Ryan gave Murda a dirty look and we left the estate got back into the car and drove off.
"what are you gonna do," i said.
"gonna back home and leave this to the feds, im not getting back onto road and all the hype just for her, it aint worth it," he said.

"But.."
"Deena, you want me to be back on road lookin for dese breddas who did this and then what happens them, someone gets shot and then someone ends up dead or in pen, man has aspirations now, i wanna change."
We didnt say anything the whole car journey, he put on his Sade cd and we listened to Soldier of love as the sun came up. we had been up all night and I was so tired, then all of a sudden the car stopped. We parked on some side road.
Ryan looked at me and then looked at the window mirrors. He rolled down his window.
Some police man came to the car.
"What are you two doing out so early in the morning?".
"Excuse me," Ryan said.
"I said sir, what are you doing out so early in the morning?".
"Was i speeding," ryan asked.
"Sir will you answer my question," the officer said.

"I would," Ryan said, "if you could explain what that has to do with you."
"Alright step out of the car," the officer said.
"What for," i said.
"This has nothing to do with you," the officer said. "sir step out of the car."
The sun was comin up as Ryan slowly got out of the car.
"License please,"the officer said.
I was gonna start wilin out, but Ryan winked at me. He just took out his license and gave it to the fed.
The idiot looked at it and said, "is this car insured?".
"Yes Mr.Police man," Ryan said.
"Dont act smart son."
"Aren't you a police man?", Ryan asked.
The officer looked at him and threw the license back at Ryan thinkin Ryan wouldnt catch it.
"I have reason to believe that you may be under the influence of something whilst driving," he said.
I wanted to shout but Ryan smiled and said, "and what reason is that,"
"Open your boot," the office said.
"Unless you have x-ray vision, i dont know how you assumed that my car out of all the cars on the road this morning has something in it, but since I don't want to be difficult." I was shocked jus sittin there.

Ryan opened the boot. "Almost as clean as my record."
"Be on your way," the officer said.
"Be on yours." Ryan said and got back in the car.
"Dickhead man," i said, "why did you let him talk to you like that."

"You want me to start wilin out so that he has an excuse to nab me, fuck that, thats what he wanted, he wanted me to start actin dumb and vex so he has an excuse to arrest me so that he can write down in his little file that he made an arrest, these pussy ole police officers, instead of bein out there sortin out the hype on the road they wanna target people in their whips."

"Its cos ur black," i said.
"The government and feds know about every single gang on road, they know about every single one cos when most man go pen, they snitch to get easier sentences, if the feds wanted to stop gang crime they could but that would mean accepting how big gang crime is and if you accept how big it is then you have to record it and then that would make crime rates sky rocket, but if you arrest one or two man and the odd man carryin dro in his whip then they can say theve reached their target like say this is a game show, and so they ignore things on purpose so they can say crimes gone down 10% and shit, when they know full well that bare people dont report crime and that even if they do, the people who commited the crime never get caught."

He started the car up, "Im not gonna be a fuckin statistic," he said, "Yeah i'm 19 now but what am i gonna do when im 40 years old, shot on road? what kind of waceman is that, even man who are 18 and still on road need to fix up, i was so blinded man, gettin arrested was the best fing cos it made me appreciate my life, im not gonna let some racist cunt in a uniform get me into shit, if he was really a bad man he and his colleagues would go to every estate on ends and do a raid, knife and gun crime would drop to 0% in a night but they dont want to."

"Why not," i said.
"Cos the more black man and girl that don't go college and don't go uni or go college and do shit in it means that the people at the top dont have to worry about their jobs, why do you think they brought in B-TECH, real talk, does it make sense that something as easy that is ever going to be taken seriously by an employer if ten man with alevels come in wanting the same job, like yeah, if the person with B-tech has got the experience then maybe but im talkin about 6 man come straight out of uni, one of them did a btech at college, the other 5 did alevels, nobody takes btech seriously and so they put all these people who did shit at gcses on it to limit their chances of getting a proper good job, like how are they puttin people that did btech on the same uni courses as people that did alevel, that means you might as well do btech to get into uni but people dont realize that a lot of people that did btech in college flop in uni cos the works too hard for them , you think the government dont know what they're doing, they know exactly what they're doing, its like voluntary slavery, us black yout are so busy tryin to be big on the road that we dont see that oppurtunities are just passin us by, i'm gonna go back to college in september, i got my gcses so im gonna go college and do alevels."


I looked at him, he was chattin so much sense, "thats why i dont care about sorcha," he said, "i really dont, i dont even think she's dead, i dont think its her body they found in that toilet."

"Why," i asked.
"Cos if u remember, she called a bit before i fucked u," he said, "and then her mum called after to say she was dead, how the fuck did they find her body so fast, aint it a bit convenient that the same night sorcha gets killed in that house the police do a raid."

I was bare confused, "I dont know," he said, "ill leave it to the feds to sort it out, thats what man pays his taxes for."

We got back to Ryans yard, then ryans phone rang.
"Hello," he said. he went silent and then put the phone down.
"what is it."




"Sorcha's mum and my dad just went to morgue- to identify the body."
"And is it her- is it Sorcha?".
"Its..."