DEENA SKET- DADDY DEAREST PART 1

Me and sorcha sat in granmdas livin room eatin the mcdonalds dat sorcha bought with my money
i didnt tell her about what the dr told me yet.
"how much did this come to?",i asked her
"15.00," she sed and den ate her burger.
"But this is only two happy meals," i sed.
"Shit got expensive," she sed.
I just sipped my sprite and sed, "sorcha- i have to go to a checkup in a few days, and the drs my dad."

she looked up at me, "oh shit- how do you knw," she sed.
"the dr sed, he said his name- dr akbar zarindast."
"r u gonna go?", she asked.
"I have to," i sed, "i wanna see him." and den i fort of faisal and his boys and den jesse and a tear ran down my eye and then i sed, "do u think i shld tell my nan everythin- about the baby."

I touched the bruises on my face.
"fuck it- dont tell her shit- she'll disown u," sorcha sed.
"she wont," i said, "she's bare cool like dat- as long as im safe shes happy- sorcha- do u think ryan will do this to me agen?".

She looked at my face and den took another bite out of her burger, "it was a one off innit- he wouldnt hurt u again- he loves you."

I looked down.
"You didnt tell the drs that it was him innit," she sed.
I nodded.
"Good- cos den he might actually fuck u up," she sed, "ah man i wish i had taped natalies face when i told her about me and u fuckin her dad, my girl looked like she was goin to explode- and sandra- some any dum bitch,started bawlin and that fuckin little boy- baitin me out like nuthin."

"allow it," i sed, "i dnt wanna talk about it- i need to sort out college, i need to start focusin on everyting- i fucked up my english coursework and its worth 60 percent," i sed.

"fuck college- get a job like me," she sed.
"sorcha- u dnt work." i sed.
"who told u dat," she said, she looked so bangin when she was angry, "who told u i dnt wrk- how do u think i bought these uggs on my feet and the max factor on my skin."

"what do u work as then," i asked.

then she started singing im a hustler and den laughed- den she sed, "ull soon find out- u mite be good enough to do it as well once ur face heals and u grow ur hair back."

then she laufed.
i started bawlin, she looked at me like wtf.
"whats wrong."
"sorcha- my babies dead,"
she hugged me and kissed my cheek and sed, "its cool- its cool- do u want them to refer u to counselling,"
"no," i sed.
"den i beg u stop bawlin deena- it werent no baby anyway- u were like two weeks and anyway u were gonna kill it anyway so whats the problem."

then the phone rang.
i got up and answered it.
"grandma...... yeah yeah im ok......they told u?...granmda when r u coming back.......ok ok.... im here with my friend....no sorcha..... she's my friend.... no natalie is the one..... she's mixraced too..... gramda please come..... ok..." i started cryin and then she read Psalms 27:1 to me. "love u grandma."


i saw sorcha roll her eyes.
"what day is ur appointment- wiv ur dad?", she asked.
"tommorow," i sed, "u gonna come with me?".
"i cant- im linkin some boom ting tommorow- Italian ting."
"how old is he," i asked.
"39," she sed, "his girlfriends gone on holiday so he has the yard to himself."
"how did u meet him?", i asked.
she laufed and sed, "i used to fuck his son."
she started crackin up, "his son's 16, boom ting."

"does he know ur fuckin his dad."

"dont be a fuckin muppet deena- of course not."
"Im thinkin of telling the police that it was ryan- he could have killed me."
"ah shut up deena about dat shit babe- he'll fuck u up if u do," she sed and den started takin off her clothes.
"lets get in the shower together," she sed.
"im not on it," i sed.
i felt bare ugly, i could almost see the bruises that were on my face now that my makeup was off.
"have u got any sexy uncles," she asked.
i shook my head, "i dnt like at my uncles in that way," i sed.

"oh come- everyones got at least one uncle they would consider bangin."
"no- no they dont sorcha," i sed.
she cut her eye at me and sed, "ur goin on dumb deena- ur not the first sket to lose a baby- u need a big dick in ur pum deena- that always make me feel better."

she sat on the floor and started fingerin herself.
"not in my nans house sorcha- get up and get out," i sed.
she stood up and put her clothes on.
"ill bell u tommorow," she sed- den she left.
i closed all the curtains in the house and jus lay in bed, i didnt even cry and jus lay in bed with the duvet over my head.
i remembered the times when me and mum used to sleep at grandmas house on fridays and den on saturdays all three of us would go tesco and raid out the store and then go and see grandmas friend ethel and then come back home and watch Pop Stars The Rivals and den on sundays we'd go church and den have roast and den on sunday nights me and mum woud go back home.

i used to sleep in the same bed i was sleepin in now and i remembered the smell of the hot comb whenever mum tried to straighten out my hair cos it was so hard to manage and frizzy.
i started cryin and thought of ryan holdin me.
then the phone rang.i ran downstairs to get it.

"hello."
"Hello Deena- this is Mr.Hutchinson from college."
"Hello sir."
"Deena is anybody there that i can speak to- I know i've called your grandmothers house."
"No-why?", I asked.
"Deena we're going to call you and your guardian in for a formal meeting but I can let you know that the college has decided not to let you continue on your course because your attendance for the year is under 25% and as you know the rules are that anything under 35% attendance results in an exclusion."

"Sir please."
"Im sorry Deena- we will call you in for a formal meeting to discuss this further- you say nobodys home with you?"
"No," I cried.
"I'll call again during the week- thankyou." Then he put the phone down.
I stopped cryin and sat on the living room and put on the tv and started watching some documentary about cats.
and then i knew what i wanted.

and then at midnight- i went to bed alone.



I woke up at 6 in the morning, bare nervous. I got ready and used concealer on my face. I was gonna meet my dad.
I looked in the mirror and saw my hair was startin to grow back and cos it was startin to look weird with some being shrot and some being long, i got one of grandmas scarves and made head wrap with it, i put on my high waisted jeggins, black airforces, a white t-vest and my blue boyfriend blazer.
I left the house and got the bus to finsbury park.
I found the gp alright, it was easy to see and den i walked in.
"an appointment with dr.zarindast," i sed bare nervous.

the receptionist looked at me bare hard and said, "yes yes- take a seat."
now i thrt about it- i didnt even knw what this appointment was for - i knew it was a checkup but why this particular gp.
then they called my name and sed, "room 1."
I prayed- no lie- i prayed and walked into the room.
He looked at me and then took off is glasses and in disbelief.
"It can't be," he sed.

"Daddy its me- Deena."