Chapter 58 part 1.

I didnt say anythin.
"Can i talk to him," i said.
She looked up to me and didnt say anythin.
I went to the phone and said, "whats the hospital number."
"He's dead DEENA!", she screamed.
I looked at her and slowly walked up to her bathroom and closed the door. I sat on the edge of the bath and then i walked out and went down and i said, "babes can i borrow your phone to call him."
She started sobbin. I looked at her and just stood there.
"where's your mum?", i asked.
"at the morgue," she cried.
I didnt cry, i just looked at her.


She looked at me, "why arent you cryin," she said.
I looked at her blankly and said, "can i talk to him."
She got up and walked out of the room cryin. I just sat there, soakin wet. there was blood runnin from between my legs. I got up and walked upstairs, she was in her room crying. i walked into her bathroom, took off my dress and shoes and got in the shower and rinsed my body.

I didnt cry, the picture was downstairs on the sofa.
I got out of the shower and dried myself and wanted to call Ryan. I went into Sorcha's room and opened her wardrobe and took out her pyjamas and put them on.

"Did you not hear what i said," she asked.
I left the room and went down to her kitchen, I opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of rum, a glass bottle and when it broke in my hands i started cryin.

I fell to the floor, my hands bleeding, the glass in my skin and just cryin.
Smurkz. Adam. they did it.

I walked to the sink and puled the glass out of my hand and threw it in the sink. I sobbed as i held my hand under cold water. I just cried. I cried so hard, the pain was so much, my head was throbbing and my chest hurt, my chest hurt so bad.

I cried and cried, my hand was freezing, the blood was pouringout and it wouldnt stop, my pussy was hurtin, my neck was hurtin, i felt skinny and then i saw my mums face and then i vomited all in the sink and farted.

I vomited holding my head over thesink, it splattered back in my face, i cried and then fell to the floor, i wiped my mouth and just lay on the floor with my head against one of the legs of Sorcha's kitchen table in a foetal position just cryin and i kept sayin ryans name. I kept sayin his name and then in my head i heard his voice and i touched my belly, our yout together. dead.

I felt dead inside, like my heart had stopped beatin. Everythin suddenly stopped hurtin and then i let out a small laugh when i thought I heard his voice, i heard him say somethin in a different language and i started smilin and in my head i saw me sucking his dick, i saw him eatin my pussy, me sittin on his face, him bussin in my mouth, him punchin me and kickin me in the stomach, him killin my yout. RYAN!

I cried out so hard as all the pain came rushin back, the pain in my pussy was worse, my tits felt sore, i was shiverin, my hands were swollen.

My stomach felt weird. I jumped up and vomited in the sink. everythin came out, there was bare white fluid comin out with the vomit, i just cried and vomited. I rinsed my mouth out with the tap water.


I got up slowly and walked to the living room and picked up the picture and then i looked down at it. this was gettin too much. I thought of my nan, my mum, my dad, everyfin and then i thort of Adam.
Smurkz.
Ryan. Me.


I had so many questions. how did adam and smurkz know each other? I felt sick,i felt like i was dreamin, like i wasnt there, i slapped myself to wake myself up, my face hurt.

I quickly pulled myself together and breathed in cos i had hiccups, i was in sorcha's hello kittypyjamas and they were soakin wet.

I picked up sorcha's phone and dialled Adams mobile number, but she already had it saved.
I closed the living room door.
"Hello."
"Adam," i said.
"Deena?".
"Adam, erm, i need to- i'm in bare shit," i said. i started cryin.
"Deena whats wrong, listen i'm sorry about everyfin."
"Adam how did Smurkz get in contact with you," i said.
There was a long silence and then he put the phone down.
I tried callin him back, but the line kept goin to voicemail and then it didnt ring altogether.
Then the door pushed open. it was Sorcha.
"Deena," she said.
I hugged her so tight.
"I know who killed him Sorcha, i know who shanked Ryan," i said.
Then she slowly let go of me and looked at me.











"It was me Deena- I killed Ryan."